clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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