The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
