she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
