Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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