I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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