Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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