jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
