Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
