I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
