i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
