She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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