im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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