I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
