We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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