if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
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I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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