The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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