i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
