i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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