I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
