did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
