I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
