Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Two words: nipple clamps
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