And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
