too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
