Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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