I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
