I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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