People with herpes should wear stickers.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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