I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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