you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
