Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
