I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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