Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
