that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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