1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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