Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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