All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I lost the right to judge tonight
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
