Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
