I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
