how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
