I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
