so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am naked and annoyed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
