Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize