I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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