there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
