It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
