wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
