walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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