We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
