$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
