i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
