your parents love me but you hate me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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