just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
