I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
