Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
