he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
