11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wear drunk well.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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