my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
