Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
