Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
