...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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