I must be too annoying 4 u.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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