Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
