I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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