I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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