If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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