Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i barfeds in our rink
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How naked do you want me to be?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
