The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
