is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
