if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
