Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
