even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
