i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
