didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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