our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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