OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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