you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
