I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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