pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
