Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
