HIV tests are more positive than that guy
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
