honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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