How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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