Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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