in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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