Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
