Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
