what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
